When does anyone really know what the hell is going on in the world around them? Most of the time we're all staring at our own proverbial belly-buttons, half expecting the rest of the world to be as concerned as we are. We are often times more absorbed in our own crap, that we never pay attention to the loved ones around us in need of our attention.

What can I say? My life has been a tumultuous ride these past months, and the one thing that has kept me through is my wife and kids. I wish I could say that I was a good little Christian and kept my faith through it all, but it really did get to a point where all I wanted was to be a good provider. Nothing else. No divine will, or seeking His path. I just wanted a decent paying job, where I could pay bills and play with my kids.

I guess I haven't strayed away from much of that. God's will has not been the top of my priorities, though I've tried to fit Him in where it seemed appropriate. Something would happen in my life (like the Huntsville opportunity), and after planning all of the internal hype in my mind, it would be a moment where, "oh, yeah! It'd be neat if God was the orchestration for all of this." knowing full well I was the architect.

The truth is, I do want God's will for my life, but right now it doesn't seem very convenient. As horribly inaccurate some may read into that, it's very telling of the mental abuse and self doubt my psyche has been riddled with as of late.

So - my life does seem like a sham. My heart desires to follow God - but scared to commit, for fear of failure and humiliation one more time.

Where to from here? (for any of us?)

Is that a huge bratwurst, or are you just glad to see me?

Is that a huge bratwurst, or are you just glad to see me?

The Wausau Fall Fest
Took the kids to the town square for the annual Fall Fest and had some great food and enjoyed the time of friendly interaction with old aquaintences that you never really talk to outside of such events. Wierd how superficial that can be, but it's the truth.

In any case, here's the kids in action.

Today I read something rather entertaining. I hope you feel the same:
The Mother of All Farts

Okay, So it's official. I've been offered to manage my own store in Ketchum, ID. Home of Sun Valley, the #1 rated ski resort in the United States. Pretty groovy, I'd say. Six more weeks of training here in Wausau and then we're off to the mountains of Idaho! Should be set up to roll by November.

Contemplations

Iím hosed. Iím at home this day; away from the busy chaos most people rally to celebrate every morning, called coffee. Despite my passions for such cherries of the Arabica, I find it strangely ironic. The company I work for used to be the one company I despised. Iíve always cheered the underdog. Iíve often been the underdog, but now, Iím in charge of the beast.

What is truly remarkable to mention though, is how amazed I am with the slick company procedures and systems that have made Starbucks the premier purveyor of fine coffees. Itís remarkable how efficiently things run in the background like clockwork ñ somehow just happening as if pixies magically placed orders and ran payroll.

All this to say, ìIíve become the one I hated.î In my 32 years, Iíve come to very few absolute conclusions. One of those is that I donít want to run my own business again. Itís way too much work for far too little monetary reward (though the feeling of accomplishment far outweighs the paycheck).

Another, more profound lesson might be that I really donít want to work at all. Itíd be great to have a substantial cash pool set aside so I can spend time with my kids, give my wife whatever it is she desires, and travel when I need to get away from life. Which brings me back to the first sentence of this blog.

Iím pretty hosed in that Iím about to embark on a journey to live and work in one of the finest resort areas in the world, where I will possibly struggle to make ends meet, thus pulling farther away from my goal of having a cash pool. Donít get me wrong. Iím okay with it. Itís just; I thought Iíd be much further along in my achievement of that goal by age 32.

Maybe.

No update yet on the Starbucks location, but I'll let you know as soon as it's a definite.

In recent reflections, I summed up the last year and a half on my life:

Lost RockWater to the City (they bought the building and turned it into a parking ramp),
lost our apartment (reason same as above),
new house,
new child (Stewart McDougal),
child gets sick,
I got laid off from CellularOne,
child gets better,
snag a contract in England,
child gets sick,
contract falls through,
child gets better,
can't find work at home,
opportunity to open new business,
timeline runs out,
tries new approach to business,
can't secure financing,
business idea goes in limbo,
leaves for California to find work,
nothing turns out,
cell phones turned off,
leaves for Alabama for potential job opportunity,
long distance shut off,
things look good,
house goes on the market,
cable and Internet turned off,
child gets sick,
company runs out of money,
come home,
child gets better,
house and car insurance dropped,
I ID a suspect in local arsons case,
buyer found for house,
electricity & gas threatened to cease,
manages to get help from Catholic Charities, Salvation Army & Energy Assistance,
wakes up to bomb squad removing a pipe bomb near my front yard,
gets a job a Starbucks,
interviews for store manager in Appleton,
gets job in Appleton,
interviews for store in Sun Valley, Idaho,
backs out of Appleton store,
moves out of house on Lamont Street,
waiting for official word of acceptance for Starbucks position in Idaho,
living with brother.

My life is amazing.